| OUR FIRST ROADTRIP WITH NOUS-NOUS |
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| 03:13am 10/10/2004 |
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ALL THINGS DAMN GOOD:
(Prior to the show.)
+ The amazing mac-n-cheese and burgers at Big Bopp's.
+ Mother's instructions: "Number 1 - call me when you get there. Number 2 - put your stereo faceplate in the glovebox. Number 3 - take care of Nous-nous." [Nous-Nous is a stuffed dog.]
+ Nous-nous sat on the table in the restaurant with us.
(The show.)
+ Dan performed at the Rud!
+ Meg took HOTT pictures.
+ We love Shayla and Asha - they're gorgeous.
+ The open-mic lesbian that read like Dan.
(After the show.)
+ JILL!!!
+ Singing songs with Jill. (CLIT Camp, take the ketchups, etc.)
+ Screaming, making random noises, and hollering incessantly.
+ Meg, as Beer Master.
+ Drinking games with Jill and her boyfriend Matt.
(The next morning.)
+ After driving back, Meg and Dan were greeted with a warm, joyous hug from the folks in Keeneland. Meg was constipated with joy. And there was a cookout on the porch.
ALL THINGS BAD:
- "You're on Oak and Third? Drive away! Drive away as fast as you can!"
- Jill cannot give directions.
- Being reborn out of the birth canal of Third Street.
- Dying from a head-on collision. But not really.
- Sleeping in a bed owned by no one we really knew.
- Sheets reeking of vodka.
- Urine-stenched bathrooms.
- The dog's leg was broken. And the dog was terribly hated. "Someone just touch him," Jill pleaded. And no one did.
- The three-legged cat.
- Jill's incessant joking ramblings about "negroes."
- Nasty-ass donut sticks from the gas station. "Serving size: One stick. Servings per container: 3." And the disgusting aftertaste.
- Dan waking up with morning wood that would not go away. |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| 09:10pm 04/10/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ "It's not like she became a carpetmuncher overnight!" - bobby.
+ "My sister almost got in a fight today because some girl was making fun of her because she had a job." - bobby.
+ Meg, looking at a guy on HotOrNot: "I just wanna suck his piercing out and go 'pah-tooooey, what now?' Oh goodness."
+ "MY PUSSY!!!" Meg screams as her ring tones (of a kitty, mind you) emanate from her belt. And there was much vibration.
BAD:
- Dan burned his tongue on the goddamn Blazer coffee.
- Having to walk so far to get good food at Ovid's.
- Bobby, to Meg: "What would happen if I shoved my antenna up your vagina?"
Heather: "I don't think you'd get good reception." |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| WE'RE BAAAAACK! (Subtitle: "We Don't Understand Black Hair, Keith.") |
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| 02:44am 30/09/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ We (Meg, Dan, Keith, Bobby) just ran around the hall IN OUR UNDERWEAR.
+ Meg: "My bush is hanging out!"
+ Meg: "STOP LOOKING AT IT WHEN I TALK ABOUT IT!!!!"
+ We like hanging out in our underwear.
+ Our asses look hott in girl pants.
+ Bobby couldn't zip up his pants. Mr. Wee poked on out against his boxer-briefs.
+ Hanging out with Bobby at the journalism building.
+ Writing an emo song.
+ Meg, singing: "MY VAG IS NAAAASTY"
+ Meg held a ball of red yarn in front of her crotch and says: "This would be my vag if I were red-headed."
+ Free pizza, thanks to campusfood.com - even though we lost it.
+ We can see each others wees, vaggies, and cracks.
+ Meg singing: "Nothing but a t-shirt on" in a deep, throaty, man voice.
+ Dan saying "I'M GAAAY!!!" in a really flamboyant voice.
+ Meg and Dan talked about the mechanics of trying to poop together.
+ Bobby's bird's gone a flyin'!
+ Putting our hands in each other's back pockets, but soon we find that it tickles too much to continue.
+ Bobby and Dan teamed up to.. TOUCH MEG'S ASS!
+ Looking at Makeoutclub and HotOrNot in the Grehan journalism building.
+ "You have sexy legs, girl!" Bobby, to Dan.
+ Yay! We like to play with our belly fat! Jiggly goodness!
+ Meg's joke: "Have you ever had your head in a vagina?" (No?) "ASS BABY!!!!!!"
+ Reciting lines from The Exorcist. "Your mother sucks cocks in hell!" Oh, how we try so hard to emulate the devil voice without giggling.
BAD:
- Car alarms.
- Bobby: "Meg, what am I going to do this summer without you?!"
- NOTHING ELSE!! |
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Read 6 - Post |
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| 03:59am 07/09/2004 |
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+ "I just wanna smack and it not giggle but go 'smack me again.'" - terrell, talking about asses.
+ Dan getting Harding's contact information... yeehaw! |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| 09:27pm 06/09/2004 |
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Good:
+ "I hate being promiscuous but this is so much fun!" |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| Today is Terrell's 18th Birthday! |
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| 05:53pm 02/09/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TERRELL WE MADE YOU A BOOB CAKE!"
"SHHH!!!!!"
+ See the below portion.
BAD:
- THE FUCKING BOOB CAKE DIDN'T BAKE LIKE A FUCKING NORMAL CAKE (go figure)
- the icing was fat so we could only write "boobs" on the cake instead of "smash face here" and "grab"
MEG: That's what real boobs should taste like.
TERRELL: YEAH! Except they don't get smaller. And when I suck on 'em, icing comes out. Mmm, that's some tasty booby.
MEG: How would breast feeding work?
DAN: Very carefully.
( the monstrous boooooob cake! ) |
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Post |
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| 03:31pm 30/08/2004 |
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QUOTE OF THE DAY!BITCHES!
(to be said in deep, throaty gravelly voice - initially in reference to a guy who left a roommate-wanted notice in the student center that explicitly stated he was a straight white male. meg ripped it down and growled the above word.) GOOD:
+ Bobcat bulldozers flying over mountains of gravel.
+ Meg and Dan literally falling to the ground in fits of laughter at how funny the little bulldozer was.
+ Dan's amazing hott NEW order form - including information about his brand-spankin' new chapbook.
+ It's Fat Monday.
+ "Oh, we can't go to the Campus Ministry event at 8. We'll be making love." - dan.
+ "I want to stick fries through that boy's ear." - meg.
+ "We'll get the Biggie Fries from Wendy's." - dan.
BAD:
- Terrell NOT WAKING UP AT 4:45 WHEN HIS FUCKING ALARM CLOCK STARTED BLARING, moddafokka.
- Dan having to get out of bed to turn off the alarm. |
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Post |
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| 02:27am 29/08/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ "I'm not sure if any of those Japanese people could beat that!" - terrell, talking about some Nintendo game.
+ "Fear the Koreans, man. They will own your ass." - terrell.
+ "Alright, I've gotta go make some rounds - make sure people aren't drinkin' or smokin' pot." *smiles* "Yeah." - steve, the RA.
+ Dan went to Picnic with the Pops.
+ Terrell babbling about video games with his friend Robby - and they think Dan's listening to them.
+ robby: "DUDE! DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR EYES OPEN?!"
dan: "Heh, yeah.."
robby: "YOU FREAKED THE SHIT OUT OF ME THIS MORNING WHEN I TRIED TO OPEN THE DOOR!"
dan: *cackles* "I'm totally shitting you. In fact, I was laughing at you the entire time when you tried to open that. 'Hahaha, I wonder if he'll break the doorknob like I did.'"
+ Dan tickling Meg's knee - only to have her squeal and make faces like a rabid chipmunk.
+ "I can do a good impression of a turkey. GOBBLEGOBBLEGOBBLEGOBBLE!!!! " - autumn, an awesome dunbar grad that had dinner with dan and the halleys at picnic with the pops.
+ "We rolled in pizza." - Terrell, talking about his Gay Wars (see below).
BAD:
- Frightening storms that could've killed Dan at the Picnic with the Pops.
- Meg was quite ill and refused to sleep in Keeneland tonight.
- The terrifying bathroom in the basement of Keeneland that looked like an execution room.
- "This is all the light I get?!" - dan, in fear of the bathroom.
- Terrell is proud of being homophobic - and his "Gay Wars" with his friends. In fact, very proud of it.
- dan: "You're proud of being homophobic?"
terrell: "Yeah.. it's funny."
dan: "How's shit like that funny? I don't understand that."
terrell: "I don't know - that's just how I am."
- Dan won't be coming out to Terrell anytime soon. |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| 02:21pm 28/08/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ Terrell talking about the Wal-Mart toilet sucking his shit out to sea: "WHOOSH! IT'S LIKE A MAGICIAN!"
+ Dan's Singletary Show was FUN.
+ Ed McClanahan said "buck fuddy"
+ Dan's donuts (and Danashes and Danettes)
+ "You made a sound like a dinosaur." -dan to meg
+ The scrapbook photo album that Dan's mom made for him. And the picture of him in a pirate outfit.
BAD:
- MEG FEELS LIKE TEN KINDS OF DAMMIT
- MEG LOSES SLEEP BECAUSE HER EYES WATER
- Dan said it would be "weird" to date someone who looked like him
- Dan's eye was twitching
- Dan had a fucking scary dream that made him sweat profusely (when he awoke to the terrible realization that sweating had become a normal routine)
- The elevator in Holmes Hall smells of crayons and elementary school. |
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Post |
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| 05:07pm 26/08/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ Emily is here. |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| 09:37pm 25/08/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ The squishy rug inside of Blazer.
+ The amazing strength of Blazer toilets.
+ The visit from Dan's parents, bringing gifts and photos.
+ The picture of Dan in his pirate costume, complete with amazing hook-arm.
+ Hmmmm? YES! - Caption of picture of Dan grabbing Emily Grise's boobies.
+ Us taking random NyQuil for no apparent reason.
+ The amazing arsenal of food in the Blazer grocery store.
+ FINDING A POSTER IN THE STUDENT CENTER THAT PROMOTED DAN'S ST. MICHAEL'S SHOW!
+ Free water and maps on the way to class.
+ Meg's teachers are all precious. Her math professor pronounces "grid" with an L somewhere in there. Glllrid.
+ The guy who sat next to Dan in the Physics of Music - and playing with a Slinky together. (they're going to make babies)
BAD:
- Dan needs more fiber.
- The door of the bathroom SLAMMED on Dan's foot.
- The Student Center Food Court closes at 7 pm. Bitches.
- The prices of food in the Blazer grocery store.
TERRELL SEZ:
Nothing. Colon, frowny bracket. :( |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| DAY BEFORE CLASS.......3:45pm |
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| 03:43pm 24/08/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ A hubcab flew off of a car and the man behind leaned out the window to scream "YOU LOST YOUR HUBCAP."
+ A boy asked if I could carry my books. How sexist. I should have let him. They were heavy as a child.
+ Dan woke me up! It was the best thing ever!
+ Brooke bitching out this boy who was not Dan.
BAD:
- A fucking (vicious) chipmunk darted out in front of us and caused both Dan and I to scream like little girls.
- Oh God, Long John Silver's is so bad today. Fast food, never again.
TERRELL SEZ:
- "You know what I hate most about this fucking Australian. A little part of me is rooting for her. And I hate that. Damn her."
- "I really want to see two girls make out. There are girls like that you know. That like it if you watch. Yeah. That's my goal. To see them within' two months."
- "What's going on?" -t.
"Your quote about seeing lesbians make out within' two months." -dan
"I will dammit." -t.
- "GODDAMN AUSTRALIANS WHY WILL THEY NOT GO SILENTLY INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT???"
[imagine event="Terrell stomping angrily at the TV"] FUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!!!!!! [/imagine] |
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Post |
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| 12:11am 24/08/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ "Maybe you should just be a hermaphrodite, Meg." - Dan, regarding the visitation policy. "No, I saw one of those on a TV special one time," Terrell says. "I got scared - cuz they were really hot, but then you see the penis and you're like no."
+ "Look, there's our free lunch." - Meg, pointing to the pizza stand sponsored by Bank One outside of the bookstore.
+ "Okay, let's see if I can not be raped." - Meg, regarding the insane cost of her textbooks.
+ Marvelous tape.
+ Meg discovers the joy of CD Central and other shops along South Limestone. "Y'know how you go into a CD shop and you go to look for an artist you like and you can't find it? Well, you come here and you're like awww, there's ten of you!" She said as she nearly wept.
+ Mastering the art of mooching.
+ Booze-age in the Pa-Ha.
+ Dan watching Terrell get swindled. MUAHAHAH!
+ Hearing Terrell say "fuck you guys."
+ Playing Heart-Throb with two girls in Pa-Ha. "Terrell, you are now an official member of the We Like Boys Club!"
+ New posters in the room on Terrell's side.
BAD:
- Meg didn't hang out with us for the entire day. Silly girl.
- Terrell got gypped by two girls. The girls did not make out like he wanted, and he lost five dollars.
- (Only bad for Terrell:) In trying to give them directions on how to make out, he writes: "YOU [arrow pointing up] STICK YOUR TOUGE IN HER [arrow pointing to the side]." They did not understand. (What the fuck is a touge? Oh how we love Terrell. Terrell wishes to announce that he is "not that stupid", but instead "focused on something else." More information as this breaking story develops.) |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| 11:44pm 22/08/2004 |
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GOOD:
Last night:
+ "Where are the exorcisms? This movie should be like Ghostbusters!" - terrell, while watching "The Exorcist" with us.
+ "Captain Howdy thinks your mom is ugly." - meg.
+ Oh how we love Terrell's newly-tapped humor.
Literally, within the past five minutes:
+ Terrell and the erection stories.
+ "I always have an erection or at least half of one." - T.
+ Super-sperm - don't sleep with Terrell unless you want to get pregnant. (First-time shot! Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am.)
+ Lauren's "WAM" right to the crotch of a gymnaist.
+ Terrell's blatant sincerity, which makes everything funny.
+ "I can keep going on." - T.
+ Terrell's 32 GB porn collection.
+ "It's still doing something for me; I can't delete it." - T.
+ "One incredibly never ending chump with super-sperm loaded into it. I'm afraid to use it." - T, talking about his penis.
+ "Please don't get an erection while we're here. Keep it at half-mast." -meg.
Today:
+ Oh yeah, Ginny came to Lexington today.
+ The incessant goddamns uttered from Ginny and Meg during our free dinner with the Christian organization.
+ Giving fake contact info to the Christians.
+ Dan's realization that South campus people look a lot different than North campus folks.. instead they look like white trash -- and then telling his mother about that fact.
+ Perusing condom advertisements during the Christian Luau.
+ "I want to be fucked by the Twisted Pleasure condom!" meg shouted.
+ Discovering that the Sponge Bob boxes of free stuff is "not intended for children."
+ Just now remembering the FFFFFFFFFFness.
+ FREE RAMEN NOOOOODLES!
+ Ordaining Meg and Ginny as official ministers of the Universal Life Church.
+ Flipping the beds to make more room underneath.
+ Meg kidnapping the vacuum.
+ Laughing so hard at the comedian tonight... and having everyone stare at our amazing heehaw laughter.
+ Ginny!
+ Terrell installing a sound system
+ Attempting to steal Ginny... or threatening to steal a LexTran bus to drive to Oldham County to kidnap her.
+ Steve, the RA, caught a bat in the lobby. Yes, a real live bat.
BAD:
- Why did we put wet string down our shirts?
- Why do we take advantage of nice people? Oh yeah, because they invited us inside.
- Ginny's boyfriend is a fucking bitchface and made us wait twenty minutes for food.
- The gripping drama! "You bitch, it was your fault you got raped!" T's sincerity: "IT WAS!"
- Dan maxing out his credit card on textbooks.
- Not buying posters today. But we will go tomorrow.
- Meg's internet won't work. Damn ResNet be-ya-cheese.
- We can't think of anything more for now. Ginny, help us. |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| 11:02am 22/08/2004 |
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BAD:
- After being completely convinced and excited that her roommate would be black, Meg discovers that "Amie Pain" is not that. Instead, the roommate is a pasty-toned redhead. |
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Post |
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| 10:59pm 21/08/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ Dan broke the fuckin' door to his room. The door was jammed, yet unlocked. So he grounded his left leg on the frame, twisted the handle, and pulled. Hard. WHAM! He flew backwards with the handle in his hand. The other knob fell to the hallway ground... and Dan was temporarily stuck in his room. But he did get the end with the rod. Meg: "That's like breaking a wishbone!"
BAD:
- Meg got drunk the first night she was here. |
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Read 7 - Post |
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| 10:51pm 21/08/2004 |
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BAD:
- "Meg, that's not an 'oh-shit' handle. That's the stop request cord." - dan, on lextran. |
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| 10:47pm 21/08/2004 |
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GOOD:
+ "Dan, this would rock if it was a real vacuum cleaner!" - meg. |
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